The Sucky Part

Wow. I am in a craptastic mood today. Sorry in advance for the venting.

I am not normally bummed out about running these days. Sure, my organs devoured my muscles to fix themselves. And yeah, I have no discernible muscle definition. So what if I lack strength just about everywhere in my body. Can’t be all bad, right?

Not the face of someone who is pissed off.

These days, I am normally all “Hey, world, I can run! Outside! 7 weeks post-surgery! Boom!”

But sometimes, it sucks. And sometimes, the sucky part hangs around for a while. Like only being able to do 3 miles because it’s so freaking hot outside. And realizing that my idea of speed work is kind of a joke. And being passed in Central Park.

Super annoyed.

I hate being passed by people I KNOW I used to be able to keep up or pass like they were standing still pre-surgery.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m proud of where I am and how far I’ve come. I made a new friend who actually ran with my slow ass a couple of times and reminded me that it’s actually pretty cool that I’m running at all, given what my body has been through. She’s smart. I’m going to start listening to her.

Hooked up to 5 separate lines. Who knew I’d be running in 4 weeks? Not bad.

But I can’t catch my breath. Or find a rhythm. My legs always feel like lead. It seems as though my muscles are on vacation. It sucks. It is NEVER easy. My body just doesn’t feel like it used to.

I guess that’s the point. It never will.

I will get faster and stronger and, one day, be able to lift more than 20 pounds. Until then, I just have to muddle through the sucky part as best I can, I suppose.

Having to study all day every day is definitely not helping my sucky attitude. 7 more weeks!

Sound off! What’s the sucky part of your runs/workouts these days? Hot summer days sucking your will to live? Weight room jammed with summertime meatheads? Vacation/work/people getting in the way of your workout? Let’s all talk about the sucky parts together 🙂

Now go out and run.

(Or, for me, shuffle on down 2nd Ave. Ugh. I will be more cheerful tomorrow. Promise.)

Keep Calm and Carry On: DON’T PANIC

When I started this whole blogging thing, I had a few goals in mind. #1. To share my knowledge about running, exercise in general and the human body with others #2. To be the change I want to see in the (IBD) world #3. To inspire people to be healthy.

I didn’t want my blog to be all about me and my own fitness journey and my IBD. Rather, I wanted it to be a place where I use my experiences to paint a broader picture about how to be the best runner/athlete you can be. I am totally on that journey and I hope that you are, too. I guess I don’t do too bad a job at that since one reader commented on a post where I mentioned my Ulcerative Colitis, “I didn’t know you have UC!”

But today I can’t think about anything else but Philly. So, today is all about me Being the Change I Want To See In the World and being open about my struggles with Ulcerative Colitis. If it’s not your thing, sorry for the detour in the blog. I’ll be back to our regularly scheduled programming tomorrow!

Between the added stresses that life seems to be constantly throwing my way (and everyone else’s, I’m sure) and my continued flare-up, I’m totally panicking about Philly. I just want to run. I want to be able to show up to the corrals and to have my pace be the only thing I’m worried about, not how many POJs are out there on the course. I want to worry about my clothes and my hair and how I will look in my pictures (don’t lie, you worry about this, too), not how I can communicate with my husband if I’m in trouble out there on the course like I was in Jersey.

So, today I am doing my best to Keep Calm and Carry On.

Image courtesy of Amazon.com

Did you know that phrase has its origins in WWII Britain? Yeah, that certainly makes me pause when I start to panic. What’s a little bathroom trouble when you’re comparing it to being bombed by Nazis? Eeek.

There are lots of places I am looking to for perspective because, in the long run if things get really bad, I will just do the half. I mean, I’m not obsessed with times and places and I certainly don’t beat myself up if I have to drop down to shorter distance because of my chronic medical condition. It’s not like I’m quitting. I know I will finish and that’s really the most important thing to me.

I mean, in the end, finishing is all that really matters. Ask Maickel.

But I DO wish I could race it without a care in the world.

Dr. Boz and I have a Plan. Not that I want to have to use The Plan. It involves a not-so-pleasant day of not-so-pleasant things, although the result will be that I can run virtually worry-free where the POJs are concerned. But, still, I don’t want to have to use The Plan.

I guess I wish I wasn’t sick. Isn’t that what it comes down to? I wish I didn’t have to deal with all this crap (Ha! That never gets old). I’m not one to panic about working out. In fact, it’s usually the one place where I feel most at peace and relaxed but it’s now something I get anxiety about, especially if it’s in a group setting. Or a new place. Or not near a bathroom. Or something I have to do for work where people are counting on me/paying for my time. So frustrating.

Ugh. So, I’m Keeping Calm and Carrying On and reminding myself of Maickel’s courageous finish and others who are “running” other “marathons”, experiencing things much, much worse than anything I’ve gone through. Perspective.

I will cross the finish line no matter how long it takes me or how many miles I decide to cover, given how I’m feeling that day. I will have a picture like these to show you in a little over a week:

 

Keep Calm and Carry On, everybody.

Now go out and run!