I’m Out

I had my very first, “Where’s the blog?!” inquiry and decided to wait til everything was settled before I share the reason for my absence: I’ve been busy freaking out.

When I decided to have surgery back in May, I was all, “Let’s do it! Then I can train for the Marine Corps Marathon and be colon-free and kicking butt! Yeah!”

First run colon-free (aka disease-free)!!!

Yeah…

…no.

When I wrote about DNF-ing, I had just completed an awesome 18 mile run. I was feeling GREAT! I had had an absolutely awesome training season and was ready to kick butt. I had no idea I’d basically be talking to myself in two weeks.

Two ER visits in five days and one seriously depressing conversation with my surgeon and ostomy nurse this week have sadly ended my journey to this year’s Marine Corps Marathon. I didn’t realize how much this meant to me until it was taken away.

This is my happy face. I am not making my happy face right now.

All the training. All the hard work to get back on the road and in the gym and into my spinning classes. All the horrifically humid, disgustingly hot summer long runs and short runs for the one goal of running 26.2 in one month: gone. It was SO HARD. REALLY. HARD.

Stupid scar tissue. You see, I had, ummm, major surgery and sometimes there are little complications that cause BIG problems. Like scar tissue. It’s normal and expected but, in my case, is kinking my small intestine and not really allowing food to pass easily. Hello, ER.

ER visit numero uno.

The second ER visit was so painful and awful that I couldn’t even pretend to be ok enough to take a picture. I think the rest of the patients thought I was giving birth. I yelled at the entire team of doctors, learned that Morphine is useless but Dilaudid is my friend, and taught the attending how to treat me.

What this all adds up to is surgery much earlier than expected.

Terrific. Can’t wait to rock the hospital gown look again.

I was planning on doing my J-pouch take-down in December between school semesters. Totally ideal for this busy gal. Well, the best laid plans pave the road to hell and I am on my way into the operating room much earlier to clear out the scar tissue AND do the take-down.

Two birds. One stone. Thanks, doc.

I’m bummed. No, pissed. I’m pissed.

Don’t let the thumbs-up-fake-smile fool you. I am pissed.

The timing sucks. I have to miss school. I have to miss the marathon. I have to miss one of my oldest friend’s wedding. I’m basically going to miss the best time of year for running and being in New York because I will be stuck at home recovering and then trying to catch up with school.

This sucks.

Yes, I know it’s temporary. Yes, I know it’s sooner rather than later “and isn’t that better?” Yes, I know that it means I won’t have to do surgery at Christmas. Yes, I know I’m lucky to have great doctors and lots of support. Yes, I know there’ll be other weddings and marathons and other beautiful Fall days.

*sniff* I love Fall in New York.

Seriously. I know all of that.

And it still sucks.

And I’m still scared.

But ready or not, here we go. Less than two weeks to get everything squared away. Wish me luck and hopefully, by the time I get rolled into that OR, I will have a much better attitude, for your sake and mine.

Now go out and run (I sure am while I still can!).