I Was Scared.

Last weekend, I ran with my Garmin watch for the first time since September 2013. Well, and the last time I ran “with” it, it wasn’t even on MY wrist. Birdie happily took the duty of watching my pace during the Hamptons Half Marathon, knowing I was 3 weeks pregnant and definitely not interested in pushing myself.

That arm on the left? That's Birdie's arm and my watch.

That arm on the left? That’s Birdie’s arm and my watch.

I felt like crap during that race. I felt like I was running in the sand (not my favorite place to run) at 12,000 ft. It was awful. Turns out, my slowest pace was 8:00/mile and everything else was sub-8:00. I only ran 3.5 minutes off my PR because I was in shape to run the marathon, but I had to FIGHT for every mile.

I put my watch away after that and ran how I felt with my growing belly.

After I had my son, I was slow to return to running. I knew I wasn’t physically ready to support that type of repetitive impact, so I focused on getting strong. #getstrongbeforeyougolong

Which brings us to this week when I (literally) dusted off my Garmin for a run with my little running buddy.

Bright shoes, happy baby, GO!

Bright shoes, happy baby, GO!

So what the hell took me so long to put that stupid watch back on?

I was scared.

Scared I wouldn’t like the numbers I saw. I asked Birdie on a run back in November what our pace was. She replied with a number that made me feel like crap. To be fair, we were going into a head wind, but I still wasn’t cruising.

I was so scared to feel disappointed in myself that I wasn’t “back” to where I was pre-baby. In hind sight, it was a smart decision. In spite of being a total coward, not brining my Garmin has made this year’s runs feel casual and relaxing.

Summer Streets with a 2 month old? Sweet!

Summer Streets with a 2 month old? Sweet!

Even though the numbers I’m clocking aren’t any great shakes, I’m slowly making my way back to paces I know are pretty good for me. I’ll probably leave the Garmin at home more often than not until I get into actual training mode for the Rock ‘n Roll Half in Brooklyn this October, and that’s ok.

In spite of my cowardice being the reason I avoided my Garmin for almost 2 years, I feel like it was the right move for me. I just wish I had done it more by choice and less because of fear of disappointment and frustration.

Live and learn, right?

Oh, and happy birthday to the very best reason to leave my Garmin at home.

Now go out and run!

No Going Back

Hi.

Happy Tuesday.

Tuesday

Amen.

 

 

There’s been something kind of bugging me recently. Well, not recently, but for a while now.

As a new mom and an active woman, there’s this tremendous pressure to go back. To get back to my previous weight. To get back into my pre-pregnancy clothes. To get back to my pre-pregnancy racing times. To get back to my pre-pregnancy workout schedule.

Here’s the thing, there is no going back.

IMG_2436

39 weeks. Hey baby!

 

 

My body is never going to be the same as it was before I had my son. I will always have the scars of pregnancy, giving birth, and nursing my son in some shape or form somewhere in/on my body. That’s just a fact of life.

I’m not going back.

I’ve got the scars of childbearing and I’m gonna wear them like the warrior that I am. They are the best reminders I have that there is more to life than whatever the hell I’m doing right now.

Instead, I’m going to go forward, just as I am, scars and all. And I’m gonna tackle a half marathon this summer.

Day 1. Sweaty beast.

Day 1. Sweaty beast.

I may not PR. I probably won’t, actually. I may not get in all the miles that I put on my training schedule. I may not ever reach my ideal racing weight. Actually, I probably won’t with that one, either.

But I’ll be damned if I’m going to let the fact that I’m not back to where I used to be hold me back from taking on this race.

It’s the Napa to Sonoma Half Marathon in July and I’m really pumped to be training again, extra pounds and all. I’m doing it with 2 friends who are newbies to running and having a ball coaching them to the finish line.

Did someone say wine?

Did someone say wine?

I don’t want to be back where I was before my baby. He’s awesome. And that shouldn’t be a goal of mine. I’m going forward and gonna kick some ass along the way!

Now go out and run.