Last weekend, I ran with my Garmin watch for the first time since September 2013. Well, and the last time I ran “with” it, it wasn’t even on MY wrist. Birdie happily took the duty of watching my pace during the Hamptons Half Marathon, knowing I was 3 weeks pregnant and definitely not interested in pushing myself.
I felt like crap during that race. I felt like I was running in the sand (not my favorite place to run) at 12,000 ft. It was awful. Turns out, my slowest pace was 8:00/mile and everything else was sub-8:00. I only ran 3.5 minutes off my PR because I was in shape to run the marathon, but I had to FIGHT for every mile.
I put my watch away after that and ran how I felt with my growing belly.
After I had my son, I was slow to return to running. I knew I wasn’t physically ready to support that type of repetitive impact, so I focused on getting strong. #getstrongbeforeyougolong
Which brings us to this week when I (literally) dusted off my Garmin for a run with my little running buddy.
So what the hell took me so long to put that stupid watch back on?
I was scared.
Scared I wouldn’t like the numbers I saw. I asked Birdie on a run back in November what our pace was. She replied with a number that made me feel like crap. To be fair, we were going into a head wind, but I still wasn’t cruising.
I was so scared to feel disappointed in myself that I wasn’t “back” to where I was pre-baby. In hind sight, it was a smart decision. In spite of being a total coward, not brining my Garmin has made this year’s runs feel casual and relaxing.
Even though the numbers I’m clocking aren’t any great shakes, I’m slowly making my way back to paces I know are pretty good for me. I’ll probably leave the Garmin at home more often than not until I get into actual training mode for the Rock ‘n Roll Half in Brooklyn this October, and that’s ok.
In spite of my cowardice being the reason I avoided my Garmin for almost 2 years, I feel like it was the right move for me. I just wish I had done it more by choice and less because of fear of disappointment and frustration.
Live and learn, right?
Oh, and happy birthday to the very best reason to leave my Garmin at home.
Now go out and run!