Tomorrow I go in for my take-down surgery. It was not supposed to be tomorrow but other complications are mandating I go under the knife sooner rather than later and do everything all at once.

2 ER visits = surgery tomorrow.

Well, ok.

The general consensus from people in my world is that this is a good thing. No more bag! So great, right?! I get to be “normal” again!

You wanna know a secret? Promise you won’t tell?

I love my bag. I love Rosebud.

To me, Rosebud has been a symbol of freedom and health in my life. Rosebud has given me confidence in my body that was dwindling in the past two years. Rosebud has allowed me to get on with my life.

Love, love, love my bag.

My J-pouch is a variable. My J-pouch might not work. It will for sure be a HUGE adjustment for the next few months, maybe a year, for my body and for me. I won’t have the freedom I have now with my bag. I won’t know what to expect day to day, run to run, class to class.

Saying goodbye to Rosebud is scary. It’s emotional. I don’t wanna.

Back to the bathroom. Back to starting over again with running after training for a marathon all summer. Back to figuring out what I can and cannot eat. Back to panicking.

But I know I have to try and I know I can go back if it doesn’t work for me. And I know that no matter what happens, JB is there, loving me with or without my bag.

So, here I go. “Starting Over”-type blogs to come. Sorry for being light on the running part of the blog. I hope to be back in business asap.

Wishing everyone great races this weekend, especially my friends at the Portland, Chicago, and Twin Cities Marathons, or last long runs for my New York and Marine Corps marathoners.

Thank you all for your supportive, moving comments. I’m looking forward to coming back and running stronger every day!

Now go out and run.